Today’s Walk: Remembering Mom & Her Connection to the Women’s Movement

For over a week now I’ve been stumbling across memorials that other people have publicly displayed. Baxter and I found a blue gift box on this morning’s walk. Inside the blue box is an explanation of a very touching tribute to one person’s lost family members (see the four pics below). I opened the box to look inside, then reassembled it, leaving it in place for others to enjoy. I believe the universe has been sending me a message. Today would have been my mother’s 79th birthday had she not died from pancreatic cancer nine years ago.

Before I was born my mother was studying to be a concert pianist. She was a student at the Chicago Conservatory of Music and dreamed of becoming a concert pianist. She LOVED music and was in her own right an amazing pianist. She broadened my father’s world view and introduced him to the music of one of her favorites, composer and pianist Sergei Rachmaninoff (1873-1943). My father vividly remembers the eye opening date they had in downtown Chicago when my mother took him to Grant Park (later renamed Millennium Park) for a concert given by noted pianist, Harvey Lavan Cliburn, Jr. otherwise known as Van Cliburn (1934-2013).

My mother was 18 years and five months young when she gave birth to me in 1960. I am the first born of her four daughters. While growing up and discussing the women’s movement she used to tell me that she was having babies while many of her friends were burning their bras. My mother was Catholic, fell in love with my handsome and charismatic father, and initially followed the church rules regarding birth control. After my first sister was born, five days short of a year after me, she revisited that idea. She told me that after baby no 2 she felt like her insides were going to fall out. Her third daughter was born three and a half years after her second with number four arriving 11 years later. Her medical providers did not address her internal issues until after baby no 4, when I was a teenager.

Last night my husband and I watched the new movie, The Glorias, which is based on the life of and a book written by, women’s rights activist and founder of MS Magazine, Gloria Steinem. I don’t remember my mother’s feelings about Steinem but I do remember her strong feelings about abortion. My mother was pro-life and we did discuss it. Often. But rather than take a completely conservative stance, my mother became an advocate for birth control and sex education which she and my father talked openly about as my sisters and I came of age. My parents were afraid of history repeating itself. So much so that this was pretty much the mantra at our house, “get an education and get on birth control if your going to have sex. And…if you do get pregnant, please come talk to us. Do not run away.” In the 1970’s there was still a social stigma attached to having a baby “out of wedlock” and yes, some girls ran away and/or were disowned by their parents. There were also actual institutions or “homes for Wayward Girls.” It was incredibly tragic. Fortunately our parents strategy worked; all four of us earned college degrees and none got pregnant until deciding to have babies in our 30’s. We were able to take advantage of opportunities and choices.

There is great need to revisit and continue to work on the women’s rights movement. In 1977 the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) was almost ratified; we were three states shy of ratification (35 of the 38 needed). In the last few years a handful of states have once again ratified the ERA but it still doesn’t seem to gain the necessary traction for national action. For a number of reasons we are currently polarized about the issue of women’s rights.

Women in this case may be their own worst enemies. We can be quick to judge and don’t always support each other when we should. There are many women who have forgotten the shoulders they stand on. Partially this is due to a failure in education because Women’s History wasn’t taught in schools. There are some women who think women’s rights today are a non-issue. I’ve heard women say, “I’ve never experienced discrimination.” That may be true but at what point have we lost our compassion for the many women who have?

There may be a backlash going on from the Me Too movement. Recently there have been some women who have gone so far as to publicly suggest we turn the clock back and “let the men decide.” And of course the issue most focused on that distracts a larger discussion about equal pay and fair treatment are those who want to roll back the decision on Roe V Wade. I am not an advocate for abortion but do believe women need choices and the right to choose. One of Steinem’s most famous quotes is, “No one is pro-abortion. No one wakes up in the morning and says, I think I’ll have an abortion. It is one of the most difficult decisions a woman can make.”

I think the timing of The Glorias movie is important. We need to move away from the established notion and fear tactic that the Women’s Movement will somehow destroy the American Family. It’s simply not true. I’m hoping the conversation can turn it’s focus toward productive conversations about equal pay, fair treatment, child care, and women’s health care. I’m hoping women and men can come together for the greater good.

I personally do not currently have an action plan. I am looking for ideas beyond the suggestion of “work with the League of Women’s Voters.” If you have ideas about how to create conversations with people of all ages, please share them. And yes, I do recommend The Glorias movie. Some of it is a little artsy which may cost it some viewers. Overall it’s worth your time.